Shut Up and Drive
by Ashesofthesoul
Summary: All Matthew wanted was a little bit of excitement. Not to get in over his head. ((Prucan, commission)
1. Chapter 1

Matthew Williams's life was a series of routines, never straying and never changing anything from the system he followed. Every day, he awoke at exactly six am to shower and brush out his long blonde curls before getting ready for work: The blonde held a tedious job as a receptionist for a large company, and while Matthew was lucky to at least have a kind boss, the job was still stressful. Every day, Matthew would file paperwork and answer calls, never complaining, even as he found himself staring out the office window, praying for some higher power to come and take him out of this mundane rut he'd developed. It wasn't even that the twenty four year old hated his job. No, it was more that he found himself longing for something more, the desire to run, to be spontaneous and experience something new and exciting overwhelming him.

The funny thing about the universe is it rarely gives you what you need in the way you expect it. This was a lesson Matthew would learn soon enough. He'd expected to lose his job, or win the lottery, something that would be a clear sign, allowing him to pull himself up from one rut and choose to do something else. He supposed it could be argued that that was just digging a new rut to replace the last. Oh well, the blonde figured a new rut was better than the one he had now. Any one of those things would have fulfilled his expectation of ways the universe would grant his request. Hell, he'd take a hurricane at this point if it meant he didn't have to go back to work. It was unlikely that any of those things would actually happen, he knew, but it was still nice to dream. How nice it would be to be able to leave all this behind!

Street lights flashed and illuminated the dark street in a soft glow, a tired groan falling from his lips. How had it gotten so late already?The moon hung high in the sky, settling an almost eerie silence over the otherwise empty street. Lately, it seemed as though, work was even busier than normal. Matthew had been more than a little grateful to finally leave, eager to get home to his bed and rest. Maybe he'd even enjoy a nice cup of tea before bed. The last thing he'd expected was a man with wild, ivory hair running down the street in a panic, banging on his window before getting inside, gunshots echoing in the air behind them as he looked at Matthew and demanded, "Drive!" Matthew's stomach clenched in fear as those loud pops filled the air, shooting an anxious look over at the man beside him as he worried at his lip nervously. His mind began to race as he tried to process what was happening, wanting nothing more than to calmly assess the situation. Unfortunately, the panic that began to slow creep through his body was not allowing for that at all. Matthew fought the urge to clutch his chest, to hyperventilate as his heart began to pump faster and faster in his chest. However, the fear soon began to mix with something else, a sort of adrenaline that began as a rush of warmth in his veins, slowly growing. The wise thing, Matthew knew, would have been to kick the stranger out of his car and drive as fast and as far away from those gunshots as he possibly could have. Instead, as though they were moving of their own accord, though whether from adrenaline or some instinctive desire to see where this went, the blonde found his foot pressing on the pedal, the car coming to life and taking off down the road. The moments stretched on for what felt like hours, tense and silent, Matthew's knuckles white as he gripped the steering wheel tightly, paying strict attention to the road as he waited for his heart to once more settle in his chest.

Only when they were a safe distance away did Matthew turned his attention to the strange man in the front seat, noting his ivory hair and crimson eyes- what odd coloring! Oh God, what if this man was a murderer determined to cut him into bits and the gunshots had been the police? Matthew was quick to push that thought from his mind, the man _seemed_ harmless enough, there'd been no threats so far, no weapons that he could see. It wasn't as though the other was particularly frightening or intimidating looking either. "So would you like to tell me who you are and what the heck this is about?" He questioned curiously, fixing the other with a pointed stare that said it was a demand, not a request.

Laughing in a way that was somehow both obnoxious and endearing, the man stabbed his fingers through his hair, tugging at the soft strands as though to aid him in catching his breath."Name's Gilbert. Gilbert Beilschmidt. And I think I owe you my life, kid. See I got in with some… less than savory people…" He began, his face completely calm and almost even bored as he spoke. "One of them, Vash, he's got this sister right? Real sweet little thing, she's his world. Which, hey, I get it, I have a little brother the same. And what does that little brother of mine do? He decides to kiss her, right there in front Vash! I think he was going to blow a damn gasket. None of this would be so bad, except that Vash blames me and he's...err… a little, shall we say, trigger happy? Which explains those gunshots you heard, yea? And so, long story short, I need some place to hide until he stops wanting to kill me."

Oh great. Not only had he picked up a stranger, he'd picked up a stranger involved with dangerous, trigger happy people at that! "You know, this was not what I meant when I asked for something new." He muttered under his breath, before turning his attention back to Gilbert, one brow raised, violet eyes almost half amused in spite of himself. "And you absolutely had to chose my car?" he questioned. "And just what do you mean by unsavory? So help me, if you have drugs and I get thrown into jail-"

"Relax, kid, they aren't into drugs," Gilbert assured, before grinning over at the other, his face completely serious. "They're into illegal arms. You know, guns, grenades, all that fun stuff? Basically, they smuggle the real big toys in and out of the country without being detected. That should tell you what kind of firepower Vash has for his little temper tantrums." The albino's face curled up, nose wrinkling at the thought. "Before you ask, don't ask. You don't wanna know how or why I got involved with them. And yeah, your car seemed a good option on an otherwise empty road. I'd take hiding in your house though as well, seems much more appealing. Been awhile since I had a bed with a warm bedmate." Crimson eyes looked over the blonde slowly, a smirk tugging at his lips. "You know, you're pretty cute, kid. You got a name?"

"Yeah, I do. It's Not Interested," Matthew retorted, rolling his eyes. Of all the impudent, arrogant, and _frustrating_ people he could have possibly met, it had to be this one. "Matthew. Matthew Williams," he finally offered, as violet eyes glanced over at the other. "And I suppose you can stay at my house, for a little while. I can't very well let you get killed, now can I?" Every fibre of him screamed to push this man out of the car and drive off, to never think about it. This was definitely not something he wanted to get involved in, was it?And yet… somehow the danger sent a thrill down his spine. He had been wishing for an adventure, had he not? And it seemed like getting involved with Gilbert would be a pretty big adventure. Besides, how long had it been since he had had an attractive man in his house, much less his bed? Too damn long.

"How long do you think you'll need to stay?" he questioned, turning into his driveway and putting the car into park, glancing over at Gilbert once more before slipping out and leading him into the house, locking the door behind him. "I doubt someone like that would just suddenly forget his anger right? Are you sure all that happened was your brother kissing his sister because that doesn't seem like a huge thing to make someone that angry." He pointed out, raising a brow. Matthew had the distinct feeling the handsome man was leaving out something important.

There was a long pause, an awkward laugh falling from Gilbert's lips as he let himself fall back onto the couch savoring its cushiony comfort. "Alright, you got me, babe. So I might have stolen some money, just a little bit, of course, and they weren't too pleased when they found out." If that wasn't the understatement of the century, Gilbert wasn't sure what was. Arthur had been absolutely furious upon hearing what the albino had done. He'd decided that it was unforgivable, since Gilbert had been his active lover for some time, and had immediately told Vash about Ludwig and Lilli.

If Gilbert weren't quite so terrified of Vash and his guns, he would have honestly been amused at the whole situation. To think, that eyebrow idiot had actually thought he'd been sleeping with him for his body! It had always been about the money, Gilbert wasn't stupid. He knew that the best way to get to it was directly through the one pulling the strings. So he'd put on his best smile, sultry and enticing, and soon enough, he'd had Arthur wrapped around his finger.

"How little is a little?" Matthew deadpanned, his face unamused as he curled up in the chair opposite the other. "And don't call me babe, that's not my name. I'm _not_ your babe." And there was no way in hell he'd ever be. Even if Gilbert had the most intriguing looks he'd ever seen. Even if that playful nickname sent a shiver down Matthews spine in ways he hadn't fully anticipated. The blonde quickly shook the thought from his head, cheeks burning as he forced himself to calm down. This was a stranger, no, worse. This was a _criminal_ sitting on his couch as though he owned it, cuddling a pale cheek into the fabric as though he hadn't just confessed to stealing from a crime lord.

Sitting up, Gilbert ran his fingers through his hair, crimson eyes locking onto the other, a smirk tugging at his lips. His voice was full of faux innocent as he spoke, eyes twinkling with mischief. Truly, this kid was too cute when he was flustered. "Fiesty little thing too, aren't you, birdie? Adorable, you are too adorable. And not too much, just five million or so." Giving a nonchalant shrug, the albino turned his attention to the tv, scrolling through the channels for some kind of cartoon.

"F-five _million_?" Matthew gasped out, paling significantly, violet eyes widening. How could Gilbert sit here so calmly and say that number as though it were a penny or a dime? Oh God, they were going to hunt him down, and Matthew was going to be killed for ever associating with him, what if they thought he had helped? He had not signed up for this, this was too big an "adventure". Fear and panic began to bubble up in his chest, as he jumped to his feet, pacing anxiously. "Ok, I take it back, you can't stay here! I do not plan on dying for something I have no part in, what do you even intend to do with all that money?" He questioned, moving closer to him and grabbing the older man's hand, trying to tug him up and off of the couch.

Rolling his eyes, Gilbert couldn't help but snort, tugging the hand now holding his own until the other came tumbling down into his lap, arms wrapping around Matthew's lithe form. God, it should really be illegal to be as cute as the blonde boy was, to be able to switch so easily from a firecracker, to a worrywart. "Breathe, birdie, God. You aren't going to get killed, you can relax. Since I don't know you, this is the last place they'd look for me. After all, wouldn't you expect to find the someone with the kind of money I now have in a fancy hotel? They'll check there first. As for what I'm planning to do with it…" He dipped his head, nuzzling the blonde teasingly, more than a little amused by how Matthew squirmed and struggled to get off of his lap, a deep crimson on the blonde's face that only made Gilbert want to hold him all that much closer. "I was planning on taking my brother and catching a plane to somewhere warm. Preferably with beaches as far as the eye can see. Don't you think that sounds like a good idea?" He questioned, relaxing back into the couch, tipping his head back against it. "Laying on the beach, sipping ice cold beer. Might buy a nice house there, something with lots of space for Luddi to run around and play." There was a pause, as Gilbert suddenly sat up, staring at Matthew intently. "...Actually… you could help me a great deal kid… how would you like to go someplace warm?" He purred, a wicked smile tugging at his lips.

Matthew pushed at the others chest, writhing in his arms with flustered mumbles of, "Let me go!" However, at the question of wanting to go some place tropical, he paused, glancing up at Gilbert cautiously. "...what do you mean?" He questioned, eyes narrowed as he straightened up slightly, his attention fully caught now. It _would_ be nice to go some place warm, some place far away from here. But he couldn't just- abandon his life and his job and disappear with a criminal, could he? Not even if that criminal was incredibly attractive, and more than willing to take him. Even still, his mind was overcome with images of laying on the hot sand, sipping at margaritas and rum and cokes, Gilbert laid out beside him… It was a tempting offer, he had to confess. Enough to at least make him willing to hear the older man out.

His heart pounded in his chest as he finally settled into the albinos lap, resting his head on the other's shoulder as he waited to hear just how he could help. Matthew supposed it couldn't hurt to give in just a little bit, right? After all, he'd already been drug in far over his head. And this was a good excuse to finally exercise that spontaneity that he'd been so aching for. "You've got my attention, but I'd suggest talking fast, lest I decide to just kick you out anyhow." He warned.

The cocky grin on the older man's lips only grew as the other relented and cuddled into him, a hand lifting to idly stroke through golden tresses; he knew he'd won. "Oh it's really simple." He hummed out, noting every little shift in the others behaviour, from the shiver that ran down his spine at the gentle caress, to the way he shyly nibbled at his lip. Precious. "I have to get onto the plane with Luddi without seeming suspicious, right? So here's what I'm thinking- pretend to be my wife. You're small and dainty enough that all you'd really have to do is put on a dress, and no one would know! Luddi is ten, he's old enough to go along with it and pretend you're his mother. Who is going to suspect a family going on vacation with their son of smuggling that much dirty money out of the country?" He suggested, giving a nod to himself, God, he was smart! "No one, that's who. In exchange, I'll completely take care of you in wherever we end up. You'll never have to pay a bill, I'll buy you whatever you want. All you have to do is provide me with companionship, which you already seem to be doing a good job of." He teased, motioning how comfortable the other now seemed on his lap.

Matthew huffed out at the jibe, lightly hitting the other in the chest. "Ok, so what you're saying is that you expect me to completely drop my life and move to a tropical paradise with you, when I don't even know you, and pretend to be your wife and mother of your brother, even though I'm so clearly a boy, in exchange for having everything I've ever wanted?" He echoed, wanting to make sure he knew exactly what it was that was being asked of him.

"Well, I mean if you got over there and wanted to get hitched, I'd be cool with it, not like I got any kind of significant other to get jealous, but yeah, that's basically what I'm asking. And before you ask, "Why you?", you're cute, you keep me on my toes. I can't _read_ you, one minute you're snapping at me, and the next you're melting into my arms. I like that, keeps me guessing, means it's more fun to learn about you, Mattie. Not to mention, you look like the single most non-suspicious person alive, so no one would question it as long as you're with me at that airport. So what do you say?" He purred, grinning down at the other widely.

It was crazy. Oh God, it was absolutely crazy, there was no way he could possibly agree to this! The logical part of Matthew was screaming at the top of it's lungs to call the cops and get this man off his couch, to pretend he'd never met him and stay far away from all of this mess. To just return to his boring job and his boring life, and never ask for more again. It was crazy, oh God, it was insane and...

"Let's do it. I'm in."


	2. PSA

OKay boys and girls! Sit the heck down, today we aren't having a chapter update. Today we're having a **public service announcement** on reviewing etiquette!

So! You're reading a fanfiction, and you really like it and think to yourself: Hey! I'd like to leave a nice comment for the author to tell them how much I enjoyed their writing!

Great! Writers _love_ getting nice reviews, personally it always makes my day when I get a notification in my inbox saying that I have a review. However, I think we need to have a talk about things that are acceptable, and unacceptable.

Things that are not only acceptable, but greatly appreciated:

Constructive criticism

Any kind of praise

Honest opinions of the story

Questions

Things that are not acceptable:

RPING IN THE REVIEWS

Telling the author they should rewrite it or add to it when they've finished it with X ending that is completely opposite the story.

SERIOUSLY. Don't do this. Either of these things. It's incredibly rude, and insulting. I've gotten the second one more times than not, and it always makes me reluctant to post my writing online.

Oh, and to the "Ontario" who decided to do the first of those things in the reviews of my PruCan fic (which FYI I don't even ship)), let me tell you a few things from a pissed off writer.

First off: As a Canadian- would not call Gilbert "Gil-san". Secondly, considering it's a humanverse story and Matt and Gilbert's first time meeting, no, he doesn't "do stuff like this all the time" and there'd be no reason for Ontario, Quebec, or New Brunswick to be commenting at all. IF you the mun would like to review, GREAT! ALSO. Canadian French is NOT the same as France French, and there's actually TWO different veins of Canadian French (Quebec French and Acadian French) as someone who IS French Canadian. So there would be no cause to "go get French lessons from France."

Please learn some goddamn manners.

If this shit continues, I'm not going to post or update stories online anymore, instead only sharing them with people I know.

-Ashes


	3. A note from Ashes

Hey guys, so Ashes here. I just wanted to drop a little note, because I've been getting a lot of really awesome reviews on this, and I don't want to string you guys along.

Shut up and drive will not be updated. Honestly, the intent was never to have it update past the one to start with, and if I didn't hit complete, I'm so sorry for leading you guys on just to let you down.

Truth is, I REALLY dislike PruCan. It's my notp, and it honestly just makes my skin crawl in ways I can't explain.

I wrote this story as a commission. And if the commissioner decides they want it to continue, I'll suck it up and do it cause frankly I'm not in a position to say no to money rn.

Otherwise, it's completed.


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